“Mitt and Barack come to my party”…April Fools

My dog Susie says

Party like it’s 1999.”

My big Mommy, Sandy, informed me that since I’m a rescue dog and don’t know exactly when I was born, she decided that April 1 would be a great day for it. So “April Fools” everyone! I like it. Anyway, now we have to get down to the details of my very first birthday party.

First we have to make a guest list. All the neighborhood dogs will be invited except that horny poodle up the street. And the cats…what to do? Mom says we should invite them so we don’t discriminate against anybody. O.K. That’s fine as long as they don’t scratch-up my presents or hiss at my cake. 

My friends from out of town will be invited, especially Uggie. I hope his head hasn’t grown too big since he starred in the Oscar winning Best-Picture “Silent Movie.” I’ll text his agent right away. I hope the other dogs I’m inviting from back there that I met on the Santa Monica beach, can fly back here on Uggie’s jet. 

Sandy decided if the weather’s nice we’ll have the party outside in our fenced back yard. I guess it makes for a much easier clean-up after the party’s over. Also the fence keeps the squirrels from stealing our treats. Speaking of a menu, I’m hoping she fixes a liver pate as the appetizer. The main course should be chopped up filet mignon with a mushroom sauce. Dessert could be a fresh fruit bowl with sugar-free whipped cream. Of course the fruit would be sliced into small pieces so nobody chokes. The cats with smaller throats might have to watch out however.

Next is the entertainment. I would like some doggie-disco music playing while the humans throw Frisbees and tennis balls for us to catch. Maybe my big mommy can also bury a big juicy steak bone somewhere in the yard. Sort of an Easter egg hunt for pooches. At the end of the evening all of us could tear apart a Pinata which resembles the postman. Just kidding. We’re lovers not fighters.

Sandy said that we definitely won’t be doing the following things: Have candles on the cake. No plastic spoons or forks anywhere. No toys from China. No open doors into the house allowing for possible doggie bad behavior.  Nobody marking each others territory. Now I understand that last request, but Mom… really!

It sounds like my first birthday celebration should be a lot of fun for everyone. Mom said she’s going to take  bunches of pictures of the party, so I can look back years later and see just how cute I was…. when I celebrated my first birthday.

Catch you later,

Susie & Sandy

P.S. If you believe for one second that dogs can’t count, put three treats in your pocket, give out two and see what happens.

For more My dog Susie says go to http://sandy-steele.blogspot.com 

Info on Sandy Steele can be found at: http://sandysteele.com

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There are more hotdogs in Hollywood than dogs.

 

My dog Susie says 

The bling! The hair! The makeup! And that was just Uggie. 

My Big Mommy Sandy, and I arrived in L.A. on Friday for the Oscars this weekend. Now when you get into the L.A. airport you have to quickly find a cabbie who speaks English. We found out on previous trips, that broken-English can mean broken destinations, as in, ending up in the wrong place. Mommy’s here on business and I’m here to meet Uggie the canine star of “Silent Movie.” It’s late now, so were going to sleep to see the lights and sights of downtown Hollywood early tomorrow. Tonight, I dream of hundreds of sheep under my spell. 

We’re staying at the old “Roosevelt Hotel” right in Hollywood instead of my fave, “The Beverly Hills Hotel” which is located about 10 miles away. Sandy, my Mom, wants to be in the middle of all the action, especially for her favorite, “The Red Carpet” arrivals. Her screen-play agent and friend got us the tickets. Hey, they have agents for all kinds of specific things out here: Script agents, Feature-film agents, TV agents, Internet agents, Book agents, Booking agents, Talent agents, agents for your agents, etc. Makes my head swim. With so many middlemen, no wonder it takes so long to get anything done. I’m going to meet with an “Animal” agent who represents Uggie, the star of my upcoming saga. We’re having lunch at Spago’s on Monday in a special hidden room just for non-humans. 

This old Roosevelt is some kind of place. Old as Hollywood itself, ’bout a hundred years or so. Seems that the first Oscars were held here. Celebrities have stayed here, lived full-time here, fought here, loved here and died here. In fact the guy who brought in our luggage said the place is full of ghosts! Now there are only two things I’m really scared of: bears and ghosts. I can run like hell from bears, but ghosts? I’m sleeping close to Mommy tonight. 

On Saturday afternoon, we went out to the beach at Marina Del Rey to visit some folks who live on big boats. Really big boats. My favorite was a couple who Sandy’s known for years, that have a big Black Lab, “Blackie,” living on-board full time. They travel all over the world with him and Blackie tells me, he’s pooped on some of the finest beaches in Europe. I’m too shy for that. I prefer the deep woods, far from the maddening crowds. 

Sunday morning is here and after a big brunch, we head over to the place where the Red Carpet is. It’s around 3 in the afternoon and people have started arriving. Big Mommy is busy watching all the designer dresses the women are wearing. She talks to the photographers and other spectators and gives each person a grade; A-F. Now years ago before the stars starting relying on professional “dressers” half the women would’ve received an F. Today hardly anyone ever gets a failing grade. Her favorite was Gwyneth Paltrow’s white dress and cape. Sandy loved it. Her least favorite was a skimpy see-through dress that showed the world her bare chest: a lady singer with a big butt wore it. 

The Oscars started at 8 that evening. It’s recently always been held at “The Kodak Center” but this year, Kodak filed for bankruptcy so they removed their name. Funny thing with the Kodak Company being world famous for film, but not being able to sponsor film’s biggest night. Ironic wouldn’t you say?

So all the various actors were shown in the movie roles, they were nominated for. I can’t remember many, but Mommy and I sure liked George Clooney in Hawaii. There was also a large looking lady nominated for a scene in which she poops in a bathroom sink. Hey, I can do that if I want to. But that’s gross. Neither of them won. 

Billy Crystal was the master of the Oscars or something. Daddy had mentioned before we left, that he’d met Billy once at a basketball game. It seems that Mr. Crystal, when he was in town, attended every game for the Los Angeles Clippers and even had seats on the floor, which were very expensive. One time, Daddy found himself sitting next to Mr. Crystal. He asked Billy why he rooted for the Clippers, who were really lousy, and not the Los Angeles Lakers who were frequently the World Champions. He looked at Dad and simply replied, “I’m a masochist.” 

My Big Mommie’s favorite movie and actor were “The Descendants” and Meryl Streep. I was rooting for cute Uggie and the “Silent Movie,” myself. Meryl won and the “Silent Movie” won, so we were both pleased. I later sat down with Uggie backstage and realized something you always hear when you meet a famous movie star: “You’re not as tall as I thought.” So true for my little Uggie, a Jack Russel Terrier. But he’s so precious and agreed to be the star of my upcoming movie, about Elvis and The Beatles meeting and spending a wild day together. Of course, my flick uses animals substituting for the famous characters. Much cheaper and better temperament. Stay tuned…. 

Catch you later, 

Susie and Sandy 

P.S. At lunch on Monday, Uggie told me that the French guy who won the best-actor Oscar in his film “Silent Movie”, French-kissed him. Uggie said it was really terrible, because he tasted like cigarettes. 

Also, Sandy believes that rescuing or adopting a dog is your best opportunity to chose your favorite relative. 

For more of Susie’s barks go to http://sandy-steele.blogspot.com 

For info on Sandy Steele go to http://sandysteele.com